If you find yourself in a position in which you are feeling defensive, or if you know you will be entering into a situation in which you may feel defensive, try to practice the following:
- Listen to understand, and ask for clarification. If you are in the middle of a conversation and begin to feel defensive, listen to understand, not to respond. Ask for clarification on things as needed. At the end of the conversation thank the other person for their opinion and say you need to take some time to think through it. By not responding when you are feeling defensive, you will give yourself time to move from your emotional mind to your rational mind, and eventually to your wise mind.
- Pause the conversation. If you are feeling defensive and do not feel as though you will be able to manage yourself or the conversation, ask to pause the conversation professionally but state "I can feel myself becoming very defensive but I know this conversation is important. Can we pause and find a time to talk later?" When pausing a conversation you do not want to dismiss the other person, therefore by stating you know this is important, you are recognizing the feelings of the other individual as well, while giving yourself time to pause.
- Have an open mindset towards continuous growth. If you know you will be entering into a conversation in which you may feel defensive, try to approach the conversation with an open mindset which is a growth opportunity for yourself. Aim to enter into an open conversation, not a confrontation.
